It's just one of those moments. It's just one of those days;
Where I want to start over with a clean slate. But it's just too much of an effort and frankly, I really do not have the strength for it.


It's a spiral that's spinning out of control and I feel like I'm standing in the midst of this tornado.
A tornado of relationships that never were, a tornado of relationships hanging in the air, a tornado of turmoil, a tornado of despair, a tornado of heartbreak - a mixed bag of bare, raw human feelings of the people I love. 


I didn't dance tonight, I didn't let go tonight, I didn't budge tonight. And it hurt.
I held her tonight, I held another her tonight and I held him tonight. And it hurt.
I wanted to run away from him tonight, I wanted to run away from them tonight and I wanted to run away from everything tonight. And it fucking hurt.


As we sped past a lake tonight, all I could pray for was for all our sorrows to drown. Because it's just not easy. Because putting up a brave front every single day is exhausting and building walls all around oneself feels so damn claustrophobic.


And I couldn't have felt more claustrophobic today.


Life's a huge painful bitch. 


The hurt is unbearable, the tears unstoppable. 


Life's a fucking bitch.