Signs and Reminders

I have this super urgent, super strong power/need/want/desire to get up and do something...to do something that takes my breath away. And in the midst of such a power/needs/wants and desires, I come across inspiration I never thought or expected I would. I find it in other people, in words, in thoughts, in photographs, in shared experiences, in poetry, in cooking...I find it everywhere. And I cannot get over the fact that these are more than just chapters of inspiring stories but signs of moments I need to take on and make mine. It's like my world is being force-fed with signs...signs that this life is more than the regular routine I follow.


Today, the ideals I had a few years (and months) back seem to breaking away. I can't be sure if this is another burst of inspiration that's taken over me yet again or if this is something that's sure shot. 


Suddenly the world of boundaries seems pointless. The cozy future I imagined for myself seems inconsequential. The must-dos don't make sense and have started dissipating. I don't feel compelled to write those exams my otherwise logical and rational side would want me to write. I don't want to think about relationships. Or marriage. Or finding a life partner. Or pleasing people. Or staying put within the limits of my 4 walls.


I'm not a thrill seeker, neither am I an adventurist. I'm someone who loves her comfort zone, her safety, and her routine. I would panic if I didn't have any semblance of order in my functioning. However, it's not like this new found need to break away and fly by implies a breaking away from this aforementioned control/routine. I will still have all that. 


What's amazing is that this new need isn't scary or out of place. It feels right. It fits. I don't have conflicting thoughts in my head that make me question what the hell I'm thinking or talking about. Or maybe it's just that I'm growing up to let go and not be clingy about the things I or the world around me consider to be important. Priorities change. Perspectives widen. Life happens.


I don't think I could spend my life feeling caged by own thoughts and wishes. I don't think I could wait for someone else to walk by and make my life feel complete either. I don't think exams will give me what my soul desires...I don't think my life would mean half as much if I didn't get up and give things a try. 


I have no idea where I'm going or what I'm doing. All I can say is that it feels exciting, it feels great, it feels like someone opened a door in front of my face! I'm inspired, I'm absorbed, I've been taken over by something that isn't just a whim...I hope to know where all this stems from, someday. Till then I'll make do with the fact that my heart, mind, imagination and soul are in unison. I think that's awesome, because I feel awesome.


PS> For starters, I've started my own page on Facebook called Babska - do drop by sometime! =)

Love, Life, Poetry

Because I'm a sucker for words that mean something; everything. Because words give me a voice to express. Because so much would be held captive inside if words weren't the key. And because words put together hold more weight than I can carry; alone.





I


"Pighle neelam sa behta hua ye sama,
neeli neeli si khamoshiyan,
na kahin hai zameen na kahin aasmaan,
sarsaraati hui tehniyaan, pattiyaan,
keh raheen hai bas ek tum ho yahan,
sirf main hoon,
meri saansein hain aur meri dhadkanein,
aisi gehraiyaan, aisi tanhaiyaan,
aur main… sirf main.Apne hone pe mujhko yakeen aa gaya."


II


"Ik baat honton tak hai jo aayi nahin

Bas ankhon say hai jhaankti
Tumse kabhi, mujhse kabhi
Kuch lafz hain woh maangti
Jinko pehanke honton tak aa jaaye woh
Aawaaz ki baahon mein baahein daalke ithlaye woh
Lekin jo yeh ik baat hai
Ahsas hi ahsas hai

Khushboo si hai jaise hawa mein tairti
Khushboo jo be-aawaaz hai
Jiska pata tumko bhi hai
Jiski khabar mujhko bhi hai
Duniya se bhi chupta nahin
Yeh jaane kaisa raaz hai."

III


"Jab jab dard ka baadal chaya

Jab ghum ka saya lehraya
Jab aansoo palkon tak aya
Jab yeh tanha dil ghabraya

Humne dil ko yeh samjhaya
Dil aakhir tu kyun rota hai?
Duniya mein yunhi hota hai

Yeh jo gehre sannate hain
Waqt ne sabko hi baante hain
Thoda ghum hai sabka qissa
Thodi dhoop hai sabka hissa
Aag teri bekaar hi nam hai
Har pal ek naya mausam hai
Kyun tu aise pal khota hai
Dil aakhir tu kyun rota hai."

IV

"Dilon me tum apni betabiyan leke chal rahe ho, to zinda ho tum

Nazar me khwaabon ki bijliyan leke chal rahe ho, to zinda ho tum
Hwa ke jhokon ke jaise aazad rehna sekho
Tum ek dariya ke jaise lehron mein behna sekho
Har ek lamhe se tum milo khole apni baahein
Har ek pal ek nya sama dekhe ye nigahein
Jo apni ankhon mein hairanian leke chal rahe ho, to zinda ho tumDilon mein tum apni betabian leke chal rahe ho, to zinda ho tum"

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Because they say everything I need to say. And I don't speak a word.

Growing Up

It's not like I decided to grow up. It just happens and sometimes it's not even in our control. I realized that the damage has been done irrevocably because today, I attend to things I never really attended to before.


Today, I'm concerned about what Pranab Mukherjee unfolded from his infamous briefcase at the parliament. I actually know that the prices of ACs, SUVs, service charges and other commodities have gone up. And no, I did not google these facts and paste them here. I actually do know. I know that the tax bar has risen. I know that those who earn anywhere between 2-4 lakhs per annum will pay the same amount of tax irrespective of the fact that the latter earns twice as more than the former. I know that the amount we put in as our PF has reduced to 8% (if I'm not mistaken) and that we will get more in hand. I know that the rail fares are going to increase anywhere between 2 paise to 30 paise depending on the kinds of coaches we travel in and the distances we travel across. I know that Dinesh Trivedi, the ex-Railway Minister had to resign because of his proposal, thanks to Mamta Banerjee.


Today, I know that Mayawati is not the chief minister of my home state and that her opponent's son, Akhilesh Yadav is all set to take the reins, and has. I know that Rahul Gandhi's charm and anglicized Hindi didn't do the trick, neither did his reform proposals, nor his mother's so called iron-hold. 


It's not like I've struck a new-found interest in politics all of a sudden. I'm horrible with my GK and my disinterest in who did what to the other, and how, has not changed. What has however changed are my priorities. It matters. Suddenly. It wasn't even like I was looking forward to the yearly budget with bated breath, forget the UP elections.


I realize that I'm not at the same place anymore. I'm at a place where all these decisions do impact me, whether I like it or not. I do have to pay my tax, and more. I do live in a hugely inflated economy. I contribute to this economy. I am a part of it. Like I said, it's not like I'm directly or voluntarily involved, but one can't escape this vortex we call reforms.


It's not even like all this was forced down my throat. Things happen, perspectives broaden, priorities change... after all, who'd have ever thunk that I'd write a post on something like this? Not me. 


Growing up. I can't wait to see what I care about next.

Philosophies and Days

There are days and then there are Days. Yes, we have 365 X the years we live, days. And we have an equivalent ratio of Days in our life as well. We have a Mother's Day, Father's Day, Children's Day, Women's Day, Hug Day, Chocolate Day, AIDS Day, Independence Day; you name it and we've got it. And perhaps there are Days that are 2 or 3-in-1 - A combination of a myriad kind of Days. And more.


And then there are philosophies that surround these Days. I don't know why or how or when or where someone sitting joblessly in this world conjured up a reason to celebrate or commemorate events on these Days. But so be it. They exist, have been existing for a while now and will continue to exist till their time's up. 


Yesterday, we know, was Women's Day. Of course we had every place adorned in ways that made it very clear it was indeed Women's Day. Special emails at work made rounds, women were given roses, there were celebrations, we even wore pink unknowingly and of course Facebook was flooded with mother/daughter/wife/women's messages. 


The context of my post lies in these messages my Homepage got spammed with yesterday. Thanks to the cliched pro and anti Women's Day messages, it was a no-brainer to figure out what whose sentiments were. It sort of made me think. Yes, we all have opinions and hell yeah do we have the right to express them as and when we wish to. However, it got me thinking.


There's a whole bunch of women (and men) out there who went overboard by either embracing the Day or dissing it altogether. I wonder what's the big deal in getting so worked up about such a thing. It doesn't take much to figure that if something really gets you riled up, it's something that affects you deeper than you'd like to believe. So stop with the nonchalance you proclaim already. 


Yes we are women. Yes we're God-awesome. Yes we're multi-talented. Yes, we're loving, caring, homely, ambitious and all that. We're people. We're meant to be that way. We're not some hybrid species that stereotypes make us to be. We do our bit and move. We're also a major pain in the ass. Ask those who have cranky women for bosses (not that men aren't, but that's a different story). All I'm saying is that we're this and we're that as well. Women are not what one would call your "sati savitris", so stop with putting us on a pedestal. On this one Day especially. Let there be a sense of equality, a sense of live and let live, a sense of gratitude to both sexes...because God help me, I cannot and am not and will not be a feminist. Attribute that to my upbringing if you may, but that's where I come from.


Yes, I've not seen the world. But I know for a fact that one's approach to life lies in the attitude one has. I cannot say I hate women or men, and I don't. I cannot say that men are bad and women are good, and I won't. I cannot live my life thinking one is better than the other, because I'll never know and isn't something I even want to know. I think it matters. 


I think it matters to know where to draw the line.
It matters to realize the difference between genuine appreciation and patronization (if that's even a word!)
It matters to get equality, yes. But it also matters to stand up and embrace the moment. Otherwise it just looks like you're the wet blanket who sits in the corner of a party and sulks.


Like I said, I don't know why these Days were created. And I wonder if there was a need to. I'm sure the world thinks something of them because the world celebrates them. If we're going to sit in a corner and be petty about why women need to be celebrated, then that's a choice one is making and so be it. My post may come across as a mixed bag, but that's how it is. I prefer not having a stand because frankly speaking, it's not the Day but my attitude towards the cause of this Day that matters. 


So yes, I'm a woman. I didn't go out of my way to celebrate this Day, in fact I did nothing to celebrate it. But I didn't go gung-ho on making a big deal of it and getting all aggressive about it. (If you claim it isn't a big deal, then stop making it a big deal for starters.) I however did change my status message on Facebook to remember, acknowledge and appreciate the women in my life. Yes they don't need one particular day to be remembered, acknowledged and appreciated, but since we've got a Day to our name, I gave them the space they deserve, the thoughts they deserve, the love they deserve. I'm just being grown up about it, taking it in my stride and moving on - because like I said, my attitude is all that matters and I'm not one to sit in the corner at a party and sulk.


I'll go out there and dance. And if I'd have my way, I'd dance with all the women in my life on this one Day and on every other day. 

I

ये आसूं, इनको न बहने दो 
ये जो मेरी ज़िन्दगी है,
मुझे जीने दो, 
मुझे जीने दो. 


पास आए ये पल जो लेहेरते हुए
इनको ख्वाबों में बट जाने दो,
ज़िन्दगी के
ख्वाबों में बट जाने दो. 


न अकेली में
न अकेले तुम
यह जो हमारे ख्वाब हैं
तैरने दो, इन्हें तुम.


पल हसीं है,
जवानी अमीर है;
इनको न ठेस पहुचाओ.
न रहो अलग तुम
न रहे अलग हम.