Anythings, Somethings, Everythings

I'm sure we've all met the following people and experienced the following situations.


Me: What do you want to have for lunch?
Other: Anything.


Me: Let's go out somewhere. Where'd you wanna go?
Other: Anywhere, you decide.


Me: Wanna watch a movie? Let's go!
Other: Sure. I'm OK with anything.


Me: Let's eat out, it's been ages!
Other: Yeah let's. You decide.


Me: Do you think this looks good?
Other: Yeah, wear anything.


Me: I wanna go outta town this weekend. Where?
Other: I'm OK with anything da, you decide and plan.


You get the drift, don't you? I'm sure we all have the anythings and somethings and everythings in our life. Sometimes it's a wonderful thing because you have the option to decide, to take charge and to lead the way - which is OK with me because I am the quintessential control freak about many things. 


However, there are so many other times when you wish someone else would take that step forward and actually make a decision. And if you're a planner, like yours truly, then these anythings and somethings and everythings can be quite the task to manage. I think this is what happens either when:


a) you are the dominant one
b) you are the control freak
c) you are the person who takes the lead
d) you are the doer.


If we're any one of the above, then I'm sorry to say that we've created a habit of convenience and lethargy in the other. And that we're being taken for granted.


OR


If all of the above situations happen, then we're too rigid to accept alternatives and we deserve an infinite number of anythings and somethings and everythings in our life. 


OR 


That our decisions rock, suit everyone's needs and that we're cool in general.


Go count them, it may tell us a thing or two about our own self :P

Anger

Anger. It's volatile, severe, crass, crude and debilitating. It's all-encompassing and all-consuming - in that one moment. That one moment which bathes you in a feeling so intense, so absolute, that it's hard to digress or dilute. It's hard to break away unless you've had that release; whatever it may be. I still haven't figured out what my 'typical' release is yet. I seethe, I cry, I scream, I shut down or I wait till the pressure cooker bursts. I still don't know which of these go-tos I can call my own. All I know is that I've reached the pressure cooker stage because every thing seems to set me off. 


And no matter how hard I try to keep the whistle from blowing in anyone's face, it just doesn't work anymore. I can't seem to hold on, to keep my cool, to walk off and sulk it off like I would otherwise do. I'm caught in this situation more than I'd like to be. And it definitely isn't a pleasant sight. It's the after effect of a nasty blow yesterday that left me brooding on my way to work today - how and what can I do to manage my anger?


This perhaps leads me to why I'm actually writing this post on something so personal, so intense, so carnal almost; over here. I had an epiphany of sorts. And it's helping me put a lot of things in perspective. Anger Management. I've studied it, used it, counseled people with it, etc, etc. I remember talking about and practicing a kazillion options - 


Count till 12 
Take deep breaths
Tear paper


The list is endless.


However, like all things theoretical and text-bookish, they come with what I call a user-expiry date. And by that I'm referring to the temporariness of these techniques. They are not the end itself, but a means to getting there. I'm slowly coming to believe that no amount of anger management is going to help unless you figure out why you're angry. These tips help us dilute the volatility of this emotion for the time being. They do not solve or resolve our emotion or the cause of it. Therefore, if you are an angry person, try these tips as much as you like, but they won't change the angry person you are.


I realize this today. I realize I'm an angry person and that I have a short temper to complement it. I don't practice these tips because in that moment when you're seething, the last thing you think about are options to suppress it. I realize I'm at the stage, like I said earlier, where I need my release - whatever it may be. I cannot escape it. I need it out of my system and done with. I cannot take a moment out and think. Rationality defeats the purpose of emotion. 


I've taken the road of silence and tears all this while. No more. And it's precisely these moments that make you stand back and realize what the hell is happening. It's when you're down in the dumps that you realize you need to get the hell up and keep walking. It's when you're left with your raw, bare emotion that you realize what the hell you're going through. And it's exactly these moments that bring you back, that make you wake up and take a good look at yourself. 


Throw the damn tips outta the window. Feel the emotion. It'll be the biggest wake up call you could ever have. 

Trance

I'm a trance junkie. I believe in this sort of music, which half of the "more refined connoisseurs of music" would discard, dismiss and trash in a second. I, however, lurve this sort of music. But I must say that I do not enjoy all kinds of trance and am quite picky about the artistes and DJs I listen to. Music is such an art - it has enough room for the world and more. And everyone's got a space they can call theirs - an experience they can truly connect with. 


Why do I love trance? I think I've mentioned this many a time on both my posts here and on Facebook. I love that there's a kind of energy in this music that I haven't ever felt before. And because a lot of this music is free-flowing and doesn't allow for many lyrics, it gives me, the listener, a chance to engage with it at my own level - with whatever mood I am in. So I don't necessarily need to hunt for a track that'll cater to my mood - anything'll do. It works pretty darn well for the Nigela Lawson traits I see in myself. :) And if there are lyrics, I do not know where these DJs source the singers from because they just have THE most enigmatic voices that cushion you all around and make you sink in deeper into the music. 


And as is the case with trance music, they're chunked out in massive 1-2 hour episodes at a stretch, especially from the artistes I enjoy engaging with. These episodes are, to very crudely put it, an amazing mash-up of tracks by various artistes. Therefore there have been innumerable instances when I've come across a track 1 hour into the show only to never learn its name or artiste. It's perhaps the most painful part of trance music. And since you're so caught up with the music, seemingly living in an alternate universe, you tend to miss out on these small nitty-gritties. You let it go, enjoy the music and well, get lost again.


Until you're sitting at work one very fine day, chilling out on YouTube only to arrive at that one song whose name you've been hunting for ever! Such is a life lived with music. It sweeps you away - and into such a happy land filled with peace. Nothing more. Nothing less. 


I first came across this track on my way to Mangalore, staring out into the black nothingness of a train window, 2 years back. The mash-up didn't have artiste introductions. I let it be. I looped it a kazillion times that night and it became my Mangalore train track. It fit. The speed of the train, the time of the day and the tempo of the track matched. The cold January breeze, fit. The thundering of the train, fit. And then I came across the same track today - the original version. And I must share it with you.





And this is another version of the same - a club mix.





THIS is the closest version to the mash-up I first encountered 2 years back =)





We get no prizes for guessing what's gonna be looped on Babska's playlist today =) Have yourselves a lovely day!

One

I've the seven seas to cross, see, and experience.
I've a thousand suns to take me by surprise - day and night.
I've a million thoughts that tide me through to another day.
I've just one dream - to spread my wings, soar, and fly away.

Today =)

Music verses.

Leave yourself alone with the sound of music, 
the silence of your absorbent soul, and
the game the two play together.


And there'll be peace like never before.
Deep, soothing, exhilarating and plunging.
On loop. 


Till you're fast asleep in the magic of it all.

School of Thought #365

I come from a school of thought which doesn't care as much about the means to an end as much as the results of the end itself. Yes, I am a staunch believer and follower of ethical practices, and having said that, there's not much more I care about when it comes to processes, the path we take and the nuances of the whats, whens and hows. 


Therefore, having said the aforementioned, what I ultimately care about is what I create, what my end results are and what I put on the table at the end of the day. That cannot be crap or second best or even passe for that matter. And when I say this, I refer to myself. I find it hard to be ordinary about something I know I can be exceptional about. I am a perfectionist. I am particular about standards. And when I'm talking about being the best, I have the need to put in the best I can according to MY standards, not anyone else's. I'm not a rank-grabber, as hard as that is to believe. It's just the way I am. And it's done me well. 


I'm saying this not because I have a need to talk about who I am as much as this introduction (of sorts) will give you a better context about what the post really is about.


So, it's been a week since I went all out and bought myself a camera. It's been the mother of all waits and well, it's led to a God-awesome end! Having said that, I haven't had the end of questions which I despise answering.


I find it absolutely annoying and irrelevant to answer questions such as - 


"hey, which one did you buy - nikon or canon?"
"which model ya?"
"which lens?"
"eyyy, how much did you buy it for ya?"
"tell me where you bought it from no?"
"let's talk about the buy"
"did you get a good deal?"


zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.


Why do I despise answering these questions? Well. Yes, it is important to know specifics like the brand you wish to buy, the model of the camera you wish to bust your savings on, the amount you wish to blow up on it and for which lens; but it's important one knew these specifics about what THEY want, not what OTHERS have. That's why. 


All I've noticed people do is ask me about MY buy. I've no issues sharing information, heck it's not like I have a secret stash of information on cameras that no one else does!!, but I do have an issue answering questions when people want the easy way out just for the heck of buying a camera. I have a MASSIVE problem with that. People wouldn't have these stupid questions if they actually went ahead and did some research and reading on their own. 


Because, if you really really really really REALLY want such an expensive buy and for the RIGHT reasons, it wouldn't matter what and why and how anyone else got what they did! It wouldn't matter if I spent 70quid or 30! It wouldn't matter which lens I have. Or which model. 


People are so concerned about what others have or are too damn lazy to do their own research that the real purpose is lost. And being the person that I am, I don't hide my discomfort or annoyance at being asked the questions I'm sure many have been plagued with.


And if I were to go a step further, people are more concerned about how a shot was taken rather than focus on the beauty of the shot itself. Which angle, which lens, at what ISO, in which environment, with what aperture, with how much zoom? You name it and there'd be a question on it! 


I've blogged about something like this on my older blog and I stand firm with my beliefs - you really can sift the wheat from the chaff at Go! And for those who really get what I'm talking about, you'd know that this isn't as much to do about the camera as much as it is about the larger perspective, that this isn't a bitching session as much as it is the need to vent frustrations long overdue.


So if I'm ignoring your questions, do understand why.


*phew* 

Ponder Moment 143

We're never easy to live with. 


We're brought up by parents who think we're the best thing in the world despite seeing the worst side of us. 
We spend a considerable time of our life with siblings who've seen our most brutal, disgusting and annoying side.
We're constantly around friends who always stand by you irrespective of how much or how often we've stood by them.
For those of us who've had the privilege and honour of having pets, we've been surrounded by unconditional love and faith irrespective of what the returns might have been.
Then we're in a world that really doesn't care enough to differentiate two from two about us.


And we know that we're not easy to live with. I'm not sounding cynical when I say that we're brought up in such a cushioned and comfortable environment. I'm just being honest. We take what we want and leave the rest. We blindly follow and listen to our parents only till a point. Then we learn to discern and make do with what we think we need at that moment. We push unnecessary people away and absorb those who make sense to us. We discard without much and we take on without much either. We learn and unlearn. We move, stall, take a step back and perhaps change directions.


We proceed to take only that which makes sense to us. Always. We learn to fight for what we don't stand for. And it's something we learned to do even before we stopped to think over it. It's always been a take or leave option. Which is why we fall in and out of relationships, love and people's lives in general. 


It's a wonder how we find people who make living with us so easy, so effortless, so natural.


Parents. They never really had a choice with us. We literally fell into their lap and they just had to deal with us. And deal with us, they did. Give us luxuries, they did. Watch us take them for granted, they did. Watch us walk off, they did. Watch us bang the door, they did. Give us life, they did. Help us cycle through life, they did. Let go, they did. But life never really gives up on us, and they didn't.


Siblings. They choose to take our shit and keep quiet. Or throw it back at us. They give us the option to come back. They give us the option to falter. They shamelessly watch us fall and laugh. But they always have the backbone steady and ready - for every tear, fear. And then they leave. But never really leave at all. Backbones never do, no matter how weak or strong.


Friends. They know us, watch us, love us, despise us, tell us off, hug us, hold us, comfort us, stroke our hair, take us out for that drive at just the right moment, buy us that beer when we craved that swig, laugh at us, laugh with us, share secrets with us, graze their knees when we fall and still walk on with us. Because that's what support does - it never falters.


And pets? They're God's angels. They're happiness, love, warmth, cuteness, joy and all things beautifully lovely, personified. 


It is a marvel that we're destined to find at least someone who makes being lived with a little better, happier, comfortable, joyous and easy. We're not easy to live with. And yet it's all OK more often than not. 


I guess it's because we've to live with someone too.

My Love Story

It just struck me that it's V-Day tomorrow. I've never celebrated V-Day simply because it's the brother's birthday. So despite the OD of red (hearts, balloons, heart-shaped balloons, strings, confetti, etc, etc), mush and lovey-dovey gore in between, it's been all encompassing of a birthday, and nothing more.


And for the 1st time in my 23 years of knowing V-Day, I have a love story to share with you today. 


I don't know when it started. Or from where. Or why. All I know is that it happened and I've been smitten ever since. It's one that goes beyond words. It's a relationship that has required a lot hard work, patience, determination and some amount of courage. And today, for the 1st time in my life, I realize that I actually have a love story that came true. 


If you haven't already noticed, I'm not a mush person. Or not publicly at least. So this isn't an awwww, he's so cute, I love him to death story. 


This love story's about my love for photography. For everything pictures. For everything momentous. And descriptive. I've always been an observer over a speaker. I'd rather sit back and watch than talk. And I just got owned. BIG TIME. 


I've waited for ever to get my hands on my own baby. And I finally have. It's a feeling I can't really describe. It may not be a big deal to many people and perhaps this post may seem like nothing, but I realize that this isn't just a piece of equipment to me. It's a new journey I've just embarked on and one I look forward to immensely. It's about finally making a dream come true - a dream that I've watched from a distance all this while. So it is a big deal. It's EPIC. It's my moment. It's extraordinary. And it's just sinking in.


I've found someone to help make this love story with the world of observation and imagery more vivid and awe-inspiring. My love story's arrived. And is here to stay. Let the hearts burst because there certainly is a lot of shooting to do. 


PS> This is update 2 =)


Have a joyous day tomorrow!

Updates I

I've been away because there's a lot that's been happening. I promise to be here more. And write more. And share more. =)


In the meantime, I must say that I've been looking forward to this day more than I can remember. Why? Because I've finally arrived at a place that I've been dreaming about for a long time now. Couple those really persistent dreams with quite some hard work and determination; and here I am today. 


I remember telling you that there were updates. And rightly so. Let me just let the pics below do the talking whilst I make some time for myself in order to elaborate more on these updates. 

Open French Omelette

Italian Stuffed Mushrooms