I'm in dire need of a break - to just get away from the maddening crowd and chaos of everything and everyone around me. 


I've really had enough.


And with the volatile mood that I'm in, it would be best for me to just walk away. And fast.

I think it's so natural and almost instinctual of me to cordon off any and every one who walks too close to my boundaries and private life. I hate that people have too many questions for answers which would not make that big a difference to their life bar feed their regular dose of gossip.


Guarding my privacy can take an almost ferocious turn, and I really do not care whose feet/ego I stamp to protect what is so so close to me. Let's just be clear that not everything in my life is privy to being known to others. And it doesn't matter who you really are, it doesn't. So yeah, if you've been a victim to a sudden cut-off, you now know that you toed a line you shouldn't have.

My latest addiction. Heard it today evening and cannot have enough of it. Should dance to this in a club, with the bass resonating all over, going wild!! *dreamland*


Must must MUST!

Life goes on

The mind's flippant - flipping through one thought after the other. On an overdrive mode minus any direction.


It's going to be a year tomorrow since the Carlton tragedy took place. It's funny how time flies...one moment you get a call saying that someone you know is no more and the next moment it's a year past with you surfing channels only to see his photograph on the news in memory. It's funny also how life has a way of reminding you of things you ought not to "forget" about. Funny indeed.


I'm not here to offer pity because I realize that no matter how deep down in the dumps we are, pity is the last thing we need. I'm not here to cry. I'm not here to go on about how I knew Akhil and how good a guy he was. 


I'm here to honour him in my thoughts and remembrances. I'm here to say that there's hope. I'm here to acknowledge the fact that there is pain, deep rooted pain and hurt. I'm here to celebrate the spirit of people, who despite the pain and hurt, saw it through this year. I'm here to remember Akhil for all that he was, for all that I knew him to be. 


I'm here to understand that life's not as mundane as we make it to be, that it isn't as monotonous as we live it to be and that it isn't as long as we believe it to be. And that it has NOTHING to do with age or the number of years one has stayed on for. I'm here to believe that life's worth all the chances it throws at us. And that if we don't make the most of those chances, we're wronging those who left us - especially those who had plans and dreams and hopes of living their life only to have it all snatched away from them abruptly at the age it did. 23 isn't a lot of years. Not when you had life's carpet rolled out in front of you. 


I'm here to love, live, believe, try, understand, be humble, be thankful and grateful and know that for every day I live, there's a moment or more I'm dedicating to those who couldn't be with us today - to know that the carpet still lies where it's supposed to. 

Shoebox rummaging

- my old blog and thoughts from there...

Now that I'm a teacher

it matters what I do in class.
I want to take that extra step and give all I can.
I take the trouble to make my classes as interesting as possible.
I care about whether my students have got what I'm saying.
I make the choice of how I teach when I teach.

Now that I'm a teacher, I have an idea what teachers feel like.
Now that I'm a teacher, I want to give back all the goodness that I have got over the years.

And that's how I wish to make the wheel turn.

Thank you everyone who have made me come this far.

(Dated: 29th June, 2010)

Letter to a stranger

Dear Stranger,


I wish this weren't too difficult. I wish these decisions were easier to make -- easier done like said. I wish you would understand where I'm coming from. I wish I knew what you were thinking.


Dear stranger, that's what life's about -- meeting strangers and letting life take its course from thereon. But you need to take a step or two or three to get to somewhere. To know that none of us is ever ever alone. That even though we feel like the target, we're together to take the hit or miss. And if you knew and agreed, you'd have walked my way sometime back.


Dear stranger, I only know that we're on the same boat -- which may take us to the same place or drop us off at different destinations, which I do not know of. It doesn't just take stars and words to get us to where we're headed but faith and a common knowledge of fears, apprehensions and anxieties shared. Together. Some way if not all the way.


Dear stranger, there's only so much I can wait. And there's only so much you can make me wait for. I wonder if you'll ever know I waited. 


Dear stranger, come my way fast. I cannot wait to know if we're in or not. There's too many questions I have to match with yours. I cannot wait to know. 


And somehow, all I'm doing is waiting.


Dear stranger, there's only so much I can wait.


Stranger, come my way.

There's just no compensation or redemption for being a bad person...or being bad to someone else...irrespective of what they did/didn't do to/for you.


And If you've been a bad person, just remember, that that's the lowest you can go/be.


And we're not even talking about forgiving or forgetting. We're talking about being.

Rollercoaster...

...that's how I'd define today.


From starting off as a mid-week holiday day to a day which turned out to be such a wild ride, it's left me feeling nothing but exhausted!


When happy afternoon lunch plans figure somewhere on a holiday, it spells happiness. 
When an evening features a drive, it spells elation! 
But then, how can Murphy not have the last laugh?


Happy Babska set off to the airport and even updated her facebook status en-route to say that there never really is a concept of 'enough drives' for her. Drives and music go hand in hand and deserve to be paired thus! I also realized that I have a need for speed; that speed gives me a high like nothing else does. Throw in some Armin van Buuren music and I'm set. The combination of a smooth drive with beats to go with the speed is so damn addictive and is something that I cannot CANNOT have enough of it! The traffic however, I can do without.


So contrary to popular belief, the drive took place on my red bubbles (as I call them) - the BIA buses. A quick drive to and from the airport took me 1.5 hours which was not bad at all! Happy at the time we'd clocked, a smiling Babska broke out of her red bubble.


And that's when the rollercoaster decided to take its plunge! And how! The plunge would go by the name of Bangalore's traffic and auto drivers!!! What was the cream on top of this joyous moment was the fact that it took me close to 40 minutes to get back home from the bus stop which would otherwise take me 10 minutes. Why? Because auto drivers exist.


I really speculate the world's curses on them to be inadequate and insipid because they still are who they are and show absolutely no hint of changing! I hope everyone in the city becomes so self-sufficient (without costing the environment) that these jackasses would have to resort to begging people to avail of their services! I really hope! 


That's when Bangalore will have its moment and shine. And that's when it'll spell joyride, in every sense of the word!

The countdown begins!

As thoughts walked past me, it suddenly dawned upon me that this is my last month at my current workplace. And my first reaction was "shit!"...
It astonishes me that I've worked at a place for a year, that I haven't gotten bored, that I've loved every moment of it, that I've actually looked forward to work (minus the early mornings), that I've actually cared enough to leave so I can get better and get right back. 
Astonishing.


Teaching. I've blogged about this before but I can't seem to say enough. 
With the semester racing to finish and another academic year coming to a close, I cannot help but wonder how time flew by. What started off as an impulse turned out to be a full blown career that I could try my hand at in the long run.


With less than a month to go, I suddenly feel the urgency to hold on and stall time, to distract it from switching a new day on and letting me savour more time with those I cherish. Less than a month still means some time, but I'm not happy. I want a bit more time, I want a bargain I know I can't have or haggle for. 


I'm a huge loyalist and stand strongly by those I associate with. I would hate to indulge in favouritism when it comes to students/classes but cannot deny the same. Teaching has taught me to deal with this challenge - that one class is just as awesome as the one you liked a bit more. I hate to admit it, but it is true at the risk of sounding diplomatic. I've taught all but one PG and all UG combinations at Christ and it's been interesting...yes, that would be the word of choice. 


With the PGs, it was home turf. My immediate juniors, which was quite so weird, but amazing nonetheless. It was awesome to bridge the gap and connect with them - from being their senior to their teacher to their friend. It's been rather challenging and awe-inspiring... 


With the UGs, I don't know where to begin. I began with the JPengs, and man was it awesome! That is a class I will not forget. That was a class that made me believe in me. That was a class that made me take that extra effort. That was a class that gave me more than I could've asked for, especially as a beginner. I then went on to teach the PSEco, PSEng, JPEng and FEP students... and it's been a bloody brilliant ride! Unforgettable.


I've had an overload of FEP this semester and when I was first handed their classes, I was shocked beyond belief for they're the bunch teachers don't usually wanna mess with. For a beginner, I wondered why I was handed the FEPs when I did so fine with the JPEngs! But I think that thought lasted only till the end of that meeting's hour. 


FEPs need a special mention for all the right and wrong reasons! :P For all the nakhras, the randomness, the discipline "issues", the "attitude" (or so people tell me)... I will however remember them not for the above but for the groovy times I've had with them. The number of times I've burst out laughing in class, the number of times I've had to throw some of them out, the number of times I've seen them chew gum quite obviously in class in front of my eyes and tried to ignore it for their and my sake, the number of times I've broken into a smile (or laugh) while scolding students of the graduating batch, the number of times we've had weird discussions in class, the number of times I've had to control my laughter when another teacher scolds them, the number of times I've got exactly what they're saying cuz when it comes to FEP there's immense loyalty...the list is never ending. Being a PyEC (FEP) student myself, it's home turf again and man does it feel awesome! I try and keep the loyalty aside, but I'm human after all, and that aint gonna change! :)


It hits hard to know that there's less than a month at work. That I won't be back to teach either of these classes. That I've this month to meet people of various kinds, to interact with them, to listen to them, to talk to them, to scold them, to learn with them, to spazz out sometimes when they're talking, to glare at them, to be there for them, to love them!


I hate byes. And this is gonna be the hardest bye ever. 

It's all about the music! Always!

And I will have it no other way! A music high is like none other and none other so exhilarating! As I was lost in my usual travails while traveling to work today, this song played on the radio and has stuck on ever since. All I can do is turn it up loud and just groove to its beats which automatically take me to a beach with waves crashing all around me, waves thundering all around me...or me on a long fast drive, just cruising to nowhere! 
Have a look/listen to it! 





I'm at that phase where all I want these days is music overpowering me, with every step I take, with every breath I take. I want music to wash all over me and have me glide along with its beats to wherever it wants to take me. To cruise. To glide. To swim. To dive. To plunge. 


Music. What would we do without you? I can't even fathom to understand.

There are days when all I want is to be surrounded by music and nothing else. Today's that day.


Perhaps in an empty auditorium with someone playing their guitar and singing their heart out.
Or someone communicating to me just with their harmonica on a dusky and swift darkening Feb evening on an empty balcony.
Or by a river. 
Or on a meadow, under a lone tree.
Or on a long drive.


Today's one of those days when all I want is music - nothing more, nothing less. 

There's nothing more comforting than


- having a three day weekend with time to do exactly what you would like to do on a weekend - read, eat, laze, watch tv, watch movies, listen to music, dream, bake, waft from hour to hour in a drowsy but pleasant haze, meet friends, spend family time together, not go out so much, roam around the house in shorts and a tee without having to think about changing or dressing up, to exile alarms, to not have any work related stuff to do... ah sigh!


- knowing that you're gonna head outta town even if it wasn't so far outta town! 


- living in a house that you cleaned yourself!! The maid's on these permanent short breaks that exceed her promised return which has left the house more dusty and dirty than can be  tolerated. So after sitting around watching our cook sweep (and not swab) the house for 2 days, I decided I could hold back no longer! Besides, I'd have to be ashamed of myself if I didn't bother cleaning up considering I have a holiday today, unlike the other 2 days. So the house has been dusted, swept and swabbed and man does that feel so good! And what a workout it is to sweep and swab! So post the cleaning/workout ensued a hot bath which has been...well...due and well deserved! Such happiness!


- having a meal of khichdi, aloo matar curry, papad and boondi raita (one of my favouritest home food combos!) to wrap up this domestic work laden day! And stretching myself on the diwan and watching tv! And perhaps dozing off! :)


So as at 1:55pm this friday afternoon,  I have muted my alarm clock, woken up late, cleaned the joojies' cages, baked a marble cake, cleaned the house, had a nice hot bath, dreamed on and off, felt the haze, made boondi raita, streamed movies to watch, loafed around me house in those shorts and tee waiting for the weekend to take me away on a happy trip - literally and otherwise! :)


Have a happy weekend yourself!

Talking about memories...

...these are what come to my first when I think of movies I first watched as a kid! I cannot express how much I love my parents for introducing me to the world of music, movies, books and dogs (and much more of course)!!! :) Ah sigh, I think this just made my day much better! :) Here they are!

I remember spending so so many afternoons couched in front of the tv watching this movie and laughing my heart out! One that definitely stands out. I don't remember specifics anymore, which reminds me it's time I watched this movie again! 

My first memory of watching this movie was over a family lunch of khichdi in front of the tv, wondering if all would be well; if Jai and Veeru would save poor Basanti and kill nasty Gabbar (my thoughts then!)...If all would truly be well. I don't remember how I took the ending of the movie :P

I ADORE this movie. This movie made me believe that I there are "things" called animals whom I could love and be around! Yes, including Elsa, the lioness! :)

I have very vague memories of this movie. Barely any in fact. All I know is that I adored Capn' Hook! :)

This is and always will be an evergreen favorite, come what may! It's only now of course that I can bear with evil (Sher Khan primarily) and actually find him hot in a way! 

Robin Hood is another one that always had us in splits! Good triumphs over evil, happy-endings, love stories - it's got it all! :)

And last but not the least, a huge collection of VHS cassettes we had on Charlie Chaplin's silent films which played a groundbreaking role in my life at that point especially! 


Do share yours! :)

Memories

Music has its own way of making itself a part of everyone's life. These songs in particular take me back to my childhood - of waking up to these songs resonating all over my house from those big, black, beautiful speakers (the brand of which I'm forgetting!)

Days of choosing to stretch and listen to track after track and just be, with the aroma of breakfast trying to pry me out of bed. You know the feeling right?

So, with a full and close to brimming mind, I'm here, listening to these songs. And feeling reminiscent. And better.

Can't source 'Brother Louie' from the same band! That's on the list too! :)

Welcome to the 80s! :)