Signs and Reminders

I have this super urgent, super strong power/need/want/desire to get up and do something...to do something that takes my breath away. And in the midst of such a power/needs/wants and desires, I come across inspiration I never thought or expected I would. I find it in other people, in words, in thoughts, in photographs, in shared experiences, in poetry, in cooking...I find it everywhere. And I cannot get over the fact that these are more than just chapters of inspiring stories but signs of moments I need to take on and make mine. It's like my world is being force-fed with signs...signs that this life is more than the regular routine I follow.


Today, the ideals I had a few years (and months) back seem to breaking away. I can't be sure if this is another burst of inspiration that's taken over me yet again or if this is something that's sure shot. 


Suddenly the world of boundaries seems pointless. The cozy future I imagined for myself seems inconsequential. The must-dos don't make sense and have started dissipating. I don't feel compelled to write those exams my otherwise logical and rational side would want me to write. I don't want to think about relationships. Or marriage. Or finding a life partner. Or pleasing people. Or staying put within the limits of my 4 walls.


I'm not a thrill seeker, neither am I an adventurist. I'm someone who loves her comfort zone, her safety, and her routine. I would panic if I didn't have any semblance of order in my functioning. However, it's not like this new found need to break away and fly by implies a breaking away from this aforementioned control/routine. I will still have all that. 


What's amazing is that this new need isn't scary or out of place. It feels right. It fits. I don't have conflicting thoughts in my head that make me question what the hell I'm thinking or talking about. Or maybe it's just that I'm growing up to let go and not be clingy about the things I or the world around me consider to be important. Priorities change. Perspectives widen. Life happens.


I don't think I could spend my life feeling caged by own thoughts and wishes. I don't think I could wait for someone else to walk by and make my life feel complete either. I don't think exams will give me what my soul desires...I don't think my life would mean half as much if I didn't get up and give things a try. 


I have no idea where I'm going or what I'm doing. All I can say is that it feels exciting, it feels great, it feels like someone opened a door in front of my face! I'm inspired, I'm absorbed, I've been taken over by something that isn't just a whim...I hope to know where all this stems from, someday. Till then I'll make do with the fact that my heart, mind, imagination and soul are in unison. I think that's awesome, because I feel awesome.


PS> For starters, I've started my own page on Facebook called Babska - do drop by sometime! =)