Sense and Sensibility

First it was about going to school, then about doing well in school, then about facing the boards, then about choosing an academic stream, then about facing the 2nd round of boards, then about heading to college, graduating successfully, moving on towards higher studies, then a job, then building a career, then getting married, then starting a family, looking after the family, then getting your kids educated and then subsequently married, becoming grandparents and then of course, it's time to die.

Wow. I summed up life in what? 6 sentences? How boring.





I'm tired of this stupid rat race. And this is what it makes me feel like doing:





Even if you consciously choose not to be in it, you end up being in it. Don't ask me how. It just happens. You either compare yourself to others or you just suddenly wake up one day and realize you've so much left to do...somehow you end up either walking, running, skipping, jumping or whatever else, but in the race.

I consciously made an effort to take a break after my under-graduate course because I'd had enough. Enough of studies, pressure and the fact that I had what? 3 consecutive years of absolutely no holidays drove home the point that come what may, I would be taking that break. Indefinitely.

And so I did. I worked. I loved it and it taught me an immense lot. It was a good break from my academic life, but not otherwise. Expecting work to be a break in itself is being delusional, I'm sorry to say.

Then came along my Masters program. It flew by and was one of THE best times of my life. It taught me well and it taught me good. It's just about 6 months since I finished. I decided to take another break to figure out what I wanted to do with my life.

And here I am, spending this break being a part-time teacher at a university. I love it. But a break? Nah! Far from one. During the course of this break, I hoped to see myself preparing a career for my future... chalking out a path. But I feel resentful.

I know this is the time to work hard. But when do we not work hard exactly? I refuse to include anything before early adulthood simply because those experiences somehow don't count. To me at least. I hate this rat race. Today this, tomorrow that. And if you're not doing something, that becomes frustrating in itself.

This entire retirement thing is such humbug. Imagine: you've saved up your life's earnings, settled in, got your children out of your hair, are old and wrinkly, and perhaps cannot stand to save your life... what sort of enjoyment would you reap then? Humbug I tell you, humbug. Yes people have done it before and are still doing it, but none of this makes sense to me. None of it.

Packing up and heading to the mountains or diving into the ocean with seaweed stuck between your toes and running out of it screaming and thinking you've been bitten, going rock climbing and fainting at the capacity you have, marveling at the world, digging your feet in the sand till they hurt, running till you're out of breath, falling down on the sand lying there, letting a wave wash over you, letting the sun set on you, flirting with the cute guy over there, being your own boss, taking time out to stretch, sky diving, loving animals, going bike riding under the stars, screaming out to your favourite movie star, jumping up in the air, hiking... this is what makes sense to me.

Living for now. This is what makes sense to me. I in no way intend that planning for the future is bogus. I'm just saying that most often we focus so much on the future that we forget about today.

And if there isn't a today, there will never be a tomorrow. This is what makes logical sense to me.





*images from the internet