We have friends, many of them sometimes. Then somewhere along the way come the boyfriends/fiancées/husbands. And catering to both parties to create some semblance of a balance hasn't always been easy. I've always found the friends/boyfriend balance issue an intriguing and irritating phenomenon.
So here we have our friends. Friends who've been with us since forever, friends we've made along the way at every juncture in our life, friends we've stumbled across at some point or the other, friends we've refueled from at every pit stop, friends we've stuck around for, friends we've done pretty crazy things with and for, friends who've stuck around for us, friends who've been there through thick and thin, friends who've been blasphemous and still made it in our life...friends who are outrageous, annoying, gorgeous, ubiquitous, painful...friends who sulk, snap, talk a lot, don't talk at all...
Our repertoire of friends we've all had and still have can take our breath away if we were to sit down for a moment and look deeper inside. However, the main point to note is that despite our quirks and characteristics and anomalies, we've been with our friends and vice versa. And I'm talking about the ones that really matter to us of course.
And then we have boyfriends. Boys who are uber cute, dashing, charming, chivalrous, naughty, sexy, kind, thoughtful, considerate, respectful, wondrous...you may choose your picks from our endless list of adjectives. They're the ones who may have been our chaddi-buddys, college sweethearts, office romeos and so on. Those who gnawed their way into our life, or traipsed in as a breath of fresh air, or were made up of whatever we were looking for etc etc etc.
So when our boyfriends enter our life, our previously dormant love life suddenly becomes a rage, suddenly becomes the colourful canvas we've always wanted it to be, suddenly becomes that wild something we've always wanted to be a part of. So it's all good.
But what is striking is this sudden need to balance our social life - that of our friends and that of our love life. Friends take a while to adjust to this new entrée who's swooped everything away, or so it feels. And on the other hand, the boyfriend wants his share of exclusivity, packaged with equal amounts of possessiveness, ego-isms and of course the charm that drew us together as a couple in the 1st place.
I can't understand why friends take so much time to deal with issues like this. Why suddenly things can't be accommodated to feel like how they were before. Why the boyfriend has to become that big a deal.
I also can't understand why boyfriends HAVE to talk to their girlfriends the moment girlfriends decide to hang out, why they think they're not exclusive enough, why they have such an issue dealing with friends.
Why the issue of space can't be understood; that girl time and boy time and alone time is just so so important.
The issue of space and trying to maintain a balance between two different worlds has been approached and looked at from all angles.
ReplyDeleteYet ! It is something that has never been resolved. There is no sure shot formula that will help us develop that balance and create some sense semblance. Sad but true no !
true! annoyance...it's more like juggling and trying to maintain the balance than enjoy the relationships one has :)
ReplyDeleteI'm still wondering which category of friends I belong to apart from the ubi... one! :D
ReplyDeletesomehow I feel I inspired you to write this.
ReplyDeleteit is hard. for both. both are possessive, both want a substantial share of the common one. both don't want to give up. but its all a part of life. canvas is not just colorful because of the boy; but also friends. its an attempt to keep that painting as colorful as possible.
@ reyn - i've to check my list of adjectives! :P
ReplyDelete@ vee - lookin at the picture at hand, we both know enough of what's been talked about, irrespective of who inspired me to write this!
i wanted to add at the end of my post that this, i feel, depends entirely on the "common one" (in your words...but refrained from adding it because that's too personal an opinion to put up there!
I like what Veena has to say about it!
ReplyDelete