It's funny how walls make you feel. And that's how I will begin this post. Because that's all I could see of you - walls.
You're where my first memories start from. You're where my concept of excellence came from. I just had to, even before I knew it. You ensured that in the way I dressed, spoke, presented my self, kept my hair and nails, my books and how well I wrote cursive in between the lines - both the big and small ones. I made it through all that. And the white canvas shoes I would guard with such duty. It was quite a challenge - how do you manage to keep something white so spotless, especially when it's at your feet, at the mercy of everyone else's? Well, I kept them white. And spotless. It's funny how it was so doable back then. Today's a different story, however.
You're the first place I have memories of from. They pan the first LKG teacher my life gave me - Ms. Sebastian? - she will always be a Ms. Sebastian to me. And Mrs Thomas; prim with her starched cotton saris, steely eyes and a personality that imprinted the first pages of my life for good. She's got to be someone if she's remembered from what feels like just yesterday. You're the place where short breaks were spent in the junior school ground; on stone benches that made me figure the red 'devil' ants from the black 'God' ones. And when it was time for that first tooth to fall, it happened right as I quickly swallowed a piece of sandwich only to realize I was eating more than just bread - all in that 15 minute short break. You gave me our first bully. You gave me the first hints of a tumultuous relationship I was going to have for years to come with PT and sports. You gave me Ms. Chanda, the aayas in grey saris who accompanied us everywhere and my first memories of class pictures.
You made me feel for the National Anthem way before I could even figure what it meant or even stood for, above and beyond the identity of being something Indian. I remember the sound of the school bell being rung by the stern man from a few floors below that resonated through every classroom, through every ear to be followed by the faint but strong melody of a distant chorus singing the anthem. And we would join in. And the entire school sang. A sense of restlessness to get out of class to get the preferred seat in the van eased into a sense of stillness as we stood, eyes closed, singing for something we were all just about figuring out. Like I said, you made me feel for the National Anthem. You showed me what it felt to begin and end the day not in prayer but in a song. If today I feel the chorus right within me, it's because it started with you. When I feel goosebumps, it's because they start with memories from there. Clenched fists exhibited a new purpose, stillness meant more than just London Statue.
Your walls seemed limitless, you were tall and mighty. I felt a sense of awe, pride and such fear. Your walls rose high, in protection and submission. Your walls created a small world within filled with satiny maroon striped ties. I could never ever see beyond them. Not the buildings outside, even; no matter how far back I would walk to get a broader view. Everything existed within and my outside was a scary world where ma told us never to talk to strangers or believe them. You were huge; beyond anything I could possibly describe. You towered over me.
Yesterday, I stood outside your gates and you looked smaller. The path I thought was an endless stretch of crowded pavements and vans, is now just a few steps long. Distances have shortened, associations have lengthened. You still tower over me, you still stand out, you still overwhelm me, you still make me get to class when you need me to, you still replay my memories for me, you still speak of a time when all I had were strangers and fears around me. Today your ground is limitless no more and mine is. And the first thing I see are your walls.
You're where my first memories start from. You're where my concept of excellence came from. I just had to, even before I knew it. You ensured that in the way I dressed, spoke, presented my self, kept my hair and nails, my books and how well I wrote cursive in between the lines - both the big and small ones. I made it through all that. And the white canvas shoes I would guard with such duty. It was quite a challenge - how do you manage to keep something white so spotless, especially when it's at your feet, at the mercy of everyone else's? Well, I kept them white. And spotless. It's funny how it was so doable back then. Today's a different story, however.
You're the first place I have memories of from. They pan the first LKG teacher my life gave me - Ms. Sebastian? - she will always be a Ms. Sebastian to me. And Mrs Thomas; prim with her starched cotton saris, steely eyes and a personality that imprinted the first pages of my life for good. She's got to be someone if she's remembered from what feels like just yesterday. You're the place where short breaks were spent in the junior school ground; on stone benches that made me figure the red 'devil' ants from the black 'God' ones. And when it was time for that first tooth to fall, it happened right as I quickly swallowed a piece of sandwich only to realize I was eating more than just bread - all in that 15 minute short break. You gave me our first bully. You gave me the first hints of a tumultuous relationship I was going to have for years to come with PT and sports. You gave me Ms. Chanda, the aayas in grey saris who accompanied us everywhere and my first memories of class pictures.
You made me feel for the National Anthem way before I could even figure what it meant or even stood for, above and beyond the identity of being something Indian. I remember the sound of the school bell being rung by the stern man from a few floors below that resonated through every classroom, through every ear to be followed by the faint but strong melody of a distant chorus singing the anthem. And we would join in. And the entire school sang. A sense of restlessness to get out of class to get the preferred seat in the van eased into a sense of stillness as we stood, eyes closed, singing for something we were all just about figuring out. Like I said, you made me feel for the National Anthem. You showed me what it felt to begin and end the day not in prayer but in a song. If today I feel the chorus right within me, it's because it started with you. When I feel goosebumps, it's because they start with memories from there. Clenched fists exhibited a new purpose, stillness meant more than just London Statue.
Your walls seemed limitless, you were tall and mighty. I felt a sense of awe, pride and such fear. Your walls rose high, in protection and submission. Your walls created a small world within filled with satiny maroon striped ties. I could never ever see beyond them. Not the buildings outside, even; no matter how far back I would walk to get a broader view. Everything existed within and my outside was a scary world where ma told us never to talk to strangers or believe them. You were huge; beyond anything I could possibly describe. You towered over me.
Yesterday, I stood outside your gates and you looked smaller. The path I thought was an endless stretch of crowded pavements and vans, is now just a few steps long. Distances have shortened, associations have lengthened. You still tower over me, you still stand out, you still overwhelm me, you still make me get to class when you need me to, you still replay my memories for me, you still speak of a time when all I had were strangers and fears around me. Today your ground is limitless no more and mine is. And the first thing I see are your walls.
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| KG, National Public School |
you look super duper cute in that pic! :)
ReplyDeleteHahaha... Nerdy, already! :P
ReplyDelete