Reality Bites

It's important, I realize, to walk on the road that keeps your self in mind. Self preservation seems to have become a task, not a state of being. 


I thought I was OK, untouchable (for most part of it) and not so damageable. I pride myself of the walls I have around me. Many say that walls contain and don't really facilitate growth and freedom. To me it looks like these walls around me are here to shield me in order to get to where I want to. They are the means to many an end I've figured for myself. And with the growing number of people who only choose to put you down, one can't help but concretize these walls. Really. However, these walls aren't flawless. 


People still get to me. I think it would be impossible to not be gotten to. It would be unreal for me to not be affected by anything, any one, ever. That sort of thing doesn't exist. It never will. I hope it won't. These walls are porous. Things people say, matter. It's strange that people who don't mean much also manage to get away leaving me pricked, if not more. 


I guess it's because I have an image of myself that has been moulded by me over the years. I've gathered what I think of my self, what important people think of me and I've made my inferences. Carl Rogers calls that the 'Ideal Self' and 'Actual Self' concept. I can't always be certain of what I'm made up of. One can never be. We'd be astounded by the amount we're capable of doing, withstanding and tolerating. I can't figure that congruence between the two, but I know some bits of what and who I am.


I am a lot of things and I'm not a lot of things. I have some awareness of what all those are. What I need to figure is to get past all this and walk on. There are too many negatives in this world, as are there positives. I have to, at some point, figure what gets me and what doesn't and why. And as I walk along, I need to refocus and not give a shit about the irrelevant. 

I.just.have.to.stop.caring.


I.have.to.stop.caring.


Stop.caring.


I think that's one of the most peaceful and best ways to practice self-preservation. Not giving a rat's ass unless necessary, is the way to go. My walls will stand as are. The drone of not so relevant comments/information/remarks will always continue. We will always be porous. It's up to us to keep what we want and leave the rest where it deserves to be left - in the trash can. We're always going to be mediocre for some, awesome for some and one of a kind for the rest. We just need to shift the viewfinder and focus better.


Must stop caring, I will.
Refocus, I so sure will.