Heart & Soul

It's been a time of yearning. 


The past few weeks have been a time of some hardcore feeling. 


I wake up every morning, longing for things I've perhaps never ever wanted so bad. I guess it's that phase of life, where what you want isn't just something conjured from a whim or a flight of fancy, but from something that is so much more deep-rooted and grounded. It actually makes me yearn and tugs at me; something I never knew I was capable of feeling. 


I've always tried to keep my distance, be a bit disconnected and walk my journey thus. But life' just getting way too existential as I've spent the past few weeks longing for things that make me feel so much more liberated and give me meaning, a purpose, a reason. 


I want to use my energy, which I know I have a plethora of, in ways that would make me feel grounded. I want to create, I want to think, I want to explore, I want to imagine...I so want to express myself. I've always been a writer, I'm always thinking and I'm doing my bit whenever and however I can, but something's amiss. 


I'm slowly realizing that I need to take a step back and look at how far I've come. Remember the pressure cooker I was talking about? Well, I think it's at its seams now. There's something in me that is just waiting for that release; that moment where I can just let go and do what my heart and soul desires.


I think I just need a push to set the ball rolling, to let that much accumulated steam out. Because I know what I want and I know I'm quite capable of getting what I want. And if it's been speaking to me so strongly and for this long, then I know I've found that place I want to take my plunge into. 


The yearning must give way to movement and it won't be long.

Globe Trotter

It's interesting to note that the readers of my blog are spread across India, US, UK, Malaysia, UAE, Israel, Canada, Germany, France, Japan and Russia.


*hmmmmmm* 


Keep reading folks! :)

A Revisit

Through the tonnes of work the team and I are piled under, I found something which motivated me to push through it all, come here and write. As is well known, I'm amazingly pathetic with names of people, songs, movies, characters, etc; and I'm not even ashamed to confess the same. It's one of my misgivings that the world and I have to live with.


So, amidst the workload, I came across the following song on a friend's playlist which I didn't even bother perusing through before I clicked the play button:





And the connection to the song was instantaneous. I went back to it, and its on the 3rd loop currently. I haven't even gone back and checked the lyrics, but chose to come here instead and say how much this song reminds me of


Cul-Ah! 


It takes me back to Cul-Ah!, which is Mount Carmel College's annual fest. The song takes me back to my college days, with me perched somewhere under the massive trees around the basketball court, huddled in my woolens as band members clad in their cliched black tees and baggy jeans walked to the stage to perform. We had one entire morning dedicated to Western Electric and another whole morning dedicated to Western Acoustic, and man was the former a wild ride! And while there was this whole Korn phase going on, with people droning on over their songs I don't remember, this is one that stuck around.


This is probably the only time of the year that I'd get my so called, 'Metal Dose'. I know squat about Metal, but I loved that one day. The jarriness and bass of the towering speakers all around, conversations, the guitar solos,the screams especially when tracks were nearing their end, applauds, bands being begged for encores, colleges rooting for their clans; the whole 9 yards. Epic. 


And I've been taken back to those 3 days, as I recollect my 5 years spent there, this Friday morning. The weather matches, the mood matches, the state of mind definitely does and the memories fit in as well.


PS> Nevermindthevideo.

Quicksand

My state of mind, philosophy and everything else in between, surmises why I'm feeling the way I am. I'm caught in this state of limbo or inertia, if I may. I feel like I'm going nowhere. I feel like I've lost my otherwise awesome sense of direction. I feel like I'm stuck in this weird pit of quicksand. Perhaps that's why I'm so inert. I feel tired just thinking about sinking deeper whenever I fight to emerge from that pit. 


It's not like things are spiraling out of control or getting worse. I'm in a sort of comfortable zone. The challenge is to remain exuberant and active through it all, because that is who I am. I'm not someone who can be caught in a rut or take things lying down. I cannot squat my energy away doing absolutely nothing. It was just today that I was feeling so inspired; overflowing with energy and the immense need to channelize my creativity somewhere. I still am feeling all of that. But I'm that pressure cooker who's sealed so tight that I'm waiting to burst, in a good way of course.


I've always been someone who's tried to do things differently. I love innovation. I love thinking beyond what I've been given. I love taking chances when I know I can. I did that with the way I learnt, worked, taught and with pretty much everything else I was a part of. I've always had an outlet to channelize my need to do something good - I've thrived on writing, cooking, photography, art, craft, acting, traveling, exploring, learning, singing, dancing - and continue to do so. 


I realize the quicksand pit I was referring to earlier on is none other than me. And I say so because I think I've stopped trying. I've become so caught up with worldly things that I've just stopped responding to that steam which is rapidly building up inside me. I've to create that opportunity and moment of release. It's only me who has the key I'm looking for. And that key is absconding thanks to the absence of a map/plan and direction. I look all around me and I feel happy looking at people's efforts from scratch, their struggles, their triumphs and their stories of pulling it through. It isn't an easy world, yes. But I'm grateful that my worldview and outlook to life doesn't allow me to stop at that. 


I love living for the moment.
I thrive on learning and making use of my learnings.
I live to live, not live to survive.
I live to love and absolutely love living.
I feel gifted in abundance.
I feel inspired, and all this would be my inspiration talking.
I love loving.
I love giving.
I love having a good time and ensure it whenever and wherever I go, with whatever I have.


I believe we live for a lifetime's worth and leave this world in an instant, never to get back whatever we've left behind. Therefore, I take my chances. I take the plunge where I know I can swim through. I stay put when I know I can't surpass the deep-end just yet. I tell people who matter, how I feel. I slam the door on people who don't. I make no bones about my boundaries with people. I eventually learn how to swim through the deep-end. I tell people I love them for whatever it's worth (or not). I don't tread on people's toes unless they push me to. Through it all, in Lee Ann Womack's wordings of one of my favourite songs, I get up and dance. 


I've picked my inspiration from this piece I came across as a kid. And I've been holding on to it ever since. Have yourselves a read. It's my sunshine. 

All I need to do is to stop the lethargy and get moving. Because there's only one book I've got to write and I can't afford to leave pages blank as they turn by.

Magic Monday

Today's been a weird kinda Monday. A good weird. Why? Because it didn't feel like Monday, for starters.


I've been ranting about how hungover the beginnings of a week can be and how my world's one of dichotomies at the moment - what with the see-sawing of opinions about my work timings - especially with a fast approaching winter.


So yes, while I braced for the swift arrival of another new week, did some weird sprint sort of thing between my bed and the next best thing (the geyser switch in the bathroom) and had the whole zombie-like stupor moment in front of my cupboard all over again, I didn't really wake with that usual Monday-grey cloud hovering over my head. You know, the one that spreads its blahness, static, foulness, and wrath sometimes, on unsuspecting people around you; especially if poked and prodded the wrong way. I was excused with all that drama today morning, and the lack of baggage can make one feel unbelievably awesome.


That, however, didn't stop me from cursing the change in weather as I splashed my fast-numbing and close to hypothermic face with the contents of a water tank exposed to the elements through the night. Never have I felt the need to dunk my hand in a pot of boiling water than today. And I realize that this is just the beginning. 


But like I've said even earlier on, these are those initial 10 minutes one has to suffer in order to experience what you'll see below. May these crude versions give you a fraction's glimpse and feel of the magic and poetry I'm privileged to witness every morning.

Add Mark Knopfler's 'Romeo and Juliet' that showed up, and my Monday morning's entry into BTP began with a smile I never knew I was capable of having, at this hour, on a Monday. 


I realize it doesn't take much to make me happy. A BIG thought to begin the week with. 

ROFL Friday Breakfasting!

My colleagues and I stumbled upon a recipe for unimaginable reminiscing and laughter over breakfast today with the ingredients being:























with the icing on the cake being





The 90s was a funny phase - the mother of all understatements! 


Add to this list :)

Happy Happy

Saying "I love YouTube" wouldn't amount to what I'm feeling this morning thanks to its video suggestion to me today:





*sigh*


I cannot wait for this movie. I've watched it a kazillion times and have dreamt and cried over it even more. I remember watching this for the first time in some movie theater in Kolkata, on a summer's matinee show. And man did it blow me away. Everything right from the graphics, cinematography, scripting and dialogues, actors, music, etc, etc took my fancy almost instantly. And the fact that it's releasing in 3D just makes me feel that excitement all over again. 


It's a movie we all went gaga over instantly. And at the age we were at when it got released didn't really make a difference. The girls swooned over Billy Zane's charisma and Leonardo DiCaprio's portrayal of Jack Dawson who felt so liberating and awesome while the guys drooled over a very sensuous Kate Winslet. I remember the massive craze it was to find the uncensored version and then proudly boasting about the "feat". Oh and I loved the Captain too! Such a man! And the OST is probably what stuck around the longest, what with our having to sing "My Heart Will Go On" at every family gathering. I think that "tradition" still exists with yours truly being the center or a rather uncomfortable spotlight. Titanic was all over the place - in our minds, conversations, while crushing our teenage years away on the opposite sex and so on - and that's something I'll always look back at very fondly.


However, I must say I'm not a 3D buff, especially for movies that aren't animated, but whether this version will click or not isn't something I care too much about. I think James Cameron's gone ahead thinking the same as well. Titanic is Titanic is Titanic. People are going to watch it and love it either which way. And this is one movie I'm willing to blow many notes on!


The trailer just gave me goosebumps all the 5 times I watched it. That pretty much sums up the enormity of this phenomenon I'd like to call Titanic.


Let me leave you with a few of my favourites while I recline back and make the most of my day which YouTube played such a fantastic role in. Have a fabulous Friday!





and





and this which made me bawl like a baby





and then this (pardon the video quality)

A few of my favourite things

Sweatshirts in all colours, sizes and presentable conditions
Socks
Pyjamas
Stoles
Woolens
Hands tucked into each other's
Shivers
Huddles
Steaming bowls of soup, maggi (with scrambled eggs on top)
Hot chocolate
Fog
Winter sun
November blue skies
Sun bathing
Warm hugs
Rum


My favourite season is here. Much joy being felt. :)

Today

YouTube suggested I watch this on a morning when I want nothing more than my bed and quilt. It fits, the song and my state of mind... The video's interesting till the girl arrives. It's annoying when skin and sex is what it takes for a video/movie, etc to become "entertaining".


Anyhoo, here it is...





*hibernates*

My worldview

Looking at how caught up I am with the song in my previous post and by what the lyrics and singer are trying to communicate to me, I realize it sums up the way I approach my life on a daily basis.


"Waqt ki qaid mein zindagi hai magar
chand ghadiyan yehi hain jo aazad hain
Inko kho kar mere jaan-e-jaan
umr bhar na taraste raho"


What's life if you don't live it the way it's meant to be lived?
What's living if you don't take that dive and feel that rush?
What use are relationships if you don't communicate?
What's love if you've never let it embrace you?
What's a chance if you don't give it a second glance?
What's a moment if you don't thrive in it?
What's exploration if you live inside your walls?
What's a risk if you're not willing to fall?
What's a rainbow if all you see is rain?
What's every day worth if it's spent in regret?
What's a feeling if you don't let it get to you?
What's a thought if you bury it under intellect?
What's time if you ponder about its absence?
What's your life if you don't let go and fly away?