Of Romantics and Cynics

You've Got Mail

It's showing on WB as I write this post. This movie has more to it than its romantic, cute, awwww feel that a romantic comedy usually does. To me at least. I remember watching this movie on a summer's day when I was what? 11 years old. Keeping aside feelings a nascent adolescent goes through, this movie is one that spoke to me and stuck with me ever since. It wasn't even an epic movie or a much awaited sequel one would await eagerly. It was just its concept, its simplicity and its feel that appealed to me.

I loved the movie and still do. And very much so. It awakened the romantic in me, it made me dream, it made me believe and it made me hope. As the movie played along I conjectured and hoped for a similar plot to feature in my life. 

I wanted the enigma of chatting with a random stranger to happen with me.

I wanted that random stranger to actually be someone I knew.

I wanted someone who I hated so badly to gnaw his way into my life. In a good and not so in-my-face way.
I wanted him to love me over and above his ego.

I wanted him to become my coffee pal, my friend and my confidant.

I wanted him to fall in love with me.

I wanted to fall in love with him eventually.

I wanted to be ShopGirl.

I wanted to get back home and have someone to talk to.

I wanted to have someone who got exactly what I was saying minus those many words.

I wanted him to force his way with me just so he could take care of me when I was ill. With ease at that.

I wanted him to read to me, to bring me my favorite flowers, to laugh with me, to go for walks together, to eat together, to meet in between work... to do sunshiney things together.
I wanted to meet him at a park with 'Somewhere over the rainbow' playing in the background.
I wanted my random stranger to be the one who was my best friend, my confidant and my everything.
I wanted the Joe and Kathleen story.

I wanted so many things and more.

I still do.

I dreamt. I made friends with random strangers online, one of whom I will never forget. I hoped. I wished. I even prayed.

But somewhere at the back of my mind the realist in me never let me cross a point. I knew that at the end of the day, You've Got Mail was just a movie and when did our lives ever really become movie-ish? When did such sweet sugary things ever happen? I for sure had never seen any of it in reality, so why expect or hope for it all? 

So with that, I let the movie be. I let myself enjoy and soak in the movie, but from a distance. I loved it minus dreams. 

I don't know when the romantic in me gave way to the cynic, as many people say. I very honestly believe that the romantic is still there in me, somewhere. Perhaps hidden till required. I am cynical for sure not because I'm against all things sweet and dreams but because anything else leads to expectations which can become such heart-breakers. I firmly believe that it's not always the person but what you expect from a person that guide the way we see relationships. And so I prefer donning the cynic's costume over anything else.

I know the romantic is still alive in me but is in hiding, like I said. Someday, somewhere when it is time, the romantic in me will flourish, and how!

I still hope and that's all I wish to do. I guess it's all a part of growing up. For me at least.

And that's the realist speaking, because when did our lives ever really become movie-ish?