Breaking Point

I'm at a loss for words because I don't know what to say or what to do. I'm certain I've arrived at my tolerance level, my threshold beyond which I cannot take anything in anymore - I'm certain I've arrived at my breaking point. 


At this point in time, I have no hope. And I am speechless.


Why?


The latest word to hit the world of news, current affairs, sensationalism and our political scene is SCAMS. And all we get to hear these days is how this minister bungled up x crores of rupees, how another municipal head's haste killed x number of people because of the shoddy building he must've proudly supervised and inaugurated and is now absconding, how a sporting event chairman's misdeeds led his country to crumble in front of the entire world and be the butt of their jokes, how an ex top-cop got away with rape... I think there are enough and more examples to shame-face every Indian and counting. 


I cannot understand the psychology of corruption. Yes, we all like to be powerful in our own right. It is a basic human need and all of us have the right to need and attain a sense of power in whatever respect. But corruption is a different ball game altogether. I can understand the need for an uprising in retaliation to being suppressed which led to such a state of radicalism. But things spiraling out of control to such an extent just goes to prove that nothing is ever enough for man. And it hurts to generalize this because I sincerely believe that there are good people in this country doing their bit like tiny drops of sunshine in a blizzard. Everything's seething white and blinding - that's how despicable corruption feels. And we're all cold and numb to this process. We just cover up, find our warmth in other things and move on. 


I think my breaking point happened today - when our beloved chief minister justified his land scam by telling everyone that he's just following the footsteps of his predecessors, that everyone else does it, so he has every right to too. 


I think my pride tore when India was the butt of everyone's jokes and comments courtesy Suresh Kalmadi and gang.


I think my values took a beating when I saw forests making way for mines, our coasts making way for private beaches, when agricultural lands were snatched away for 6 lane highways with a promise to relocate hanging heavy in the air still.


I think my heart broke when I saw trees, plants, animals, forests, rivers, mountains fall victim to our needs and our smug justifications...why? because it's needed; because I didn't do it, someone else did and because it's not my headache.


Why am I so drained of hope?


Because a full stop here is obsolete, if not extinct.
Because there are no boundaries.
Because values got left behind.
Because we cannot take responsibility.
Because we pass the buck.
Because we are money starved.
Because ethics don't exist.
Because we simply don't care.
Because we're only bothered about ourself at the end of the day.
Because we're proud of our doings, whatever they may be.
Because we're so vengeful we can't see beyond getting what we never had, at the cost of anything or anyone.
Because others are just a joke to us.
Because money scales everything.
Because we've been this way for generations and getting progressively filthier.
Because it's ok and chalta hai
Because, like I said, we've never heard of full stops and don't have the mettle to stop when or where we're meant to stop. 


I'm at a point where I can't be livid anymore. Or hopeful. Or whatever it is that these atrocities are supposed to ignite in me. 


I'm actually scared for this country. I am scared because I fear the worst. I fear a retaliation and a nasty one because there is only so much people can take. And then it'll be back to square one - the oppressed outclass the oppressors only to become the same. And so the story goes. I am scared for this country because instead of owning up or accepting one's mistakes, we continue making the same mistakes and learn not from them but how we can better justify them. 


I'm scared because I'm at the breaking point and I don't think I can tolerate much of this anymore. I cannot tolerate a country so vibrant and colourful and talented to crumble the way it is. The rate at which we're falling is astounding and like I said, there's only so much we can take.


There's only so much I can take.